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Any mad SLAAs?

Sex has the potential to heal us and to hurt us. Many of us find that our madness is intertwined with our sexualities in both positive and negative ways. This forum contains explicit talk about sexual practices, bodies, sexuality, sexual trauma, etc.

Any mad SLAAs?

Postby Spinygrrl » Jun 09, 2017 5:26 pm

Wanting to give a shout and see if there are any mad and/or craXy identified Sex, Love, Romance, and/or Fantasy addicts on this site?

After 2 years of chemical sobriety, working on family of origin issues, and continuing to confront early childhood abuse... I'm pretty sure I qualify.

I am putting this here instead of "Lithium and Meth" because although I identify as an addict, the nature of this addiction I thought fit the moderation guidelines for the Sex and Sexuality forum better.

I am going to SLAA meetings now. I'm nervous about it as a mad person, and also has a poly kinky queer. But I'm really desperate at this point, and love addiction is kinda all I've got and I have to let it go because I think otherwise my life is going to fall apart again.

This is about all I have the energy to say right now. Thanks for being here. If anyone else relates in any way feel free to post.
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Re: Any mad SLAAs?

Postby solefood » Jun 09, 2017 9:56 pm


i'll let you know when i actuall recieve enough love from people to discern whether or not im addicted to it.

probably though

wheres the "im addicted to hating people because its a huge reason ive been able to survive" groups? fuck man
the world is not my home I'm just passing through
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Re: Any mad SLAAs?

Postby Spinygrrl » Jun 21, 2017 4:27 pm

So, I get that "love" is good, and get that actual "love" is not what I think love is, at least once it gets mixed up with sex and romance and sometimes it doesn't even take that much, thanks to my fucked upbringing.

I think the tragedy for me (and I know I'm not the only one) is that the pursuit of what I have thought of as "love" has blocked a lot of actual love from coming into my life. Because ultimately, the truth is, I'm so traumatized and feel like such shit that I am really just looking for a human fix. Remarkably, this path never ends up going well.

I'm out on here as a codependent, and I still think I am. I mean, it was TERRIFYING how, that time I was at J's house and he was relapsing, I just became my mom without a second thought. Somehow I knew everything to do - what the best hangover cure would be, do the dishes no matter what he says, clean up after him, and this little voice, the whole time, was going, "what the fuck are you doing?" and I couldn't stop. Not that he bothered, but I think that if he had bodily tried to stop me from cleaning I would have fought him. The compulsion to "fix it, cover it up" was that strong. What the FUCK.

So yeah I belong in CODA and prolly Al-Anon meetings, big surprise. But what always confused me was that I always felt like there was another aspect to my relationship fuckery that was honestly chemical. And also, it didn't feel like a straight up sex addiction. So for a long time I was like, well, maybe I'm just an extreme codependent? But I couldn't quite buy it, the "high" and the "crash" felt too much like opiates, and I didn't hear other co's talking about that, at least in the rooms I was in.

Then I read this terrifying thing off a rehab website, in total fucking desperation and panic:

The neurochemistry of love addiction includes neurotransmitters such as phenylethylamine (PEA) which are released during the experience of falling in love. These stress-related neurotransmitters become activated during the process of infatuation and boost euphoric feelings and excitement. This chemical reaction demonstrates that a love addict can actually develop a dependence on the physical and psychological arousal triggered by PEA and other neurotransmitters including:

Oxytocin is released during sexual intercourse, helping to bond the relationship between two people.
Endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, are released during physical contact – including sex – and play a role in long-term commitments as they produce feelings of well-being, safety, and security.
Vasopressin is associated with the formation of long-term, monogamous relationships

From: ... ions/love/

Ok so not so much the "long term monogamy" part - although it is weird how no matter how shittily I get treated, I feel this "loyalty" kick happen, and I wonder if that's maybe part of it, in addition to enforced "loyalty" teachings from my fucked family rules back in the day. But the rest of it feels spot fucking on, for me. I experience a high, and then devastating withdrawals, and always just thought I was nuts.

And then I read this:

The grieving process differs from individual to individual and from one loss to another. If people allow the grief process run their course, validate their feelings, etc. (healthy grieving), they are able to move forward in a healthy manner.

For love addicts however, the normal stages of grieving evolves into morbid and/or pathological grief process, characterized by obsession, denial, chronic depression, avoidance of normal activities and powerful desire to escape from reality. It's pathological because the grief is tethered to the addiction aspect to what was lost. The grief turns into extremely painful withdrawal where you feel crazy, even like dying.

Healthy grief releases feelings rather than allowing them to be stuck in the body and mind. Healthy grief allows the griever to feel the loss, heal the loss and move on with life.

The love addict's intense grief in withdrawal is in reality, a trigger from:

Loss of fantasy (of relationship; who you thought or 'madeup' about your partner)
Emotional reaction to childhood abandonment; trauma; and/or unresolved wounding
Unresolved grief from past losses (usually from childhood; but can be losses in adulthood)
Familiarity; Rituals

From: ... thdrawal__
(warning, dude is shilling a book, but the info on the website still helped me)

That quote feels so, so real. It never feels like normal grief. I mean, my grandfather, the only member of my family who I think might have actually loved me (he was my step, unsurprisingly) died, and that sucked. I felt sad. I still feel kinda sad, thinking about it. I felt grief. And those feelings are not remotely comprable to what I felt when J left. I mean, I did not end up on IVs having a full body collapse for three days in the hospital with plummeting blood pressure over my grandfather. According to a coupla counselors I talked to, it's addiction and withdrawal, straight up - shit is real. And it certainly feels real, to me.

So these are some things.

I am anxious about SLAA as a survival sex worker... I'm not currently engaged heavily in that, but it's not closed to me, and I model and stuff when I can. I haven't come out to anyone. I am thinking about doing so. I dunno.

Anyway. These are things, if anyone relates.
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Re: Any mad SLAAs?

Postby WindThroughDoor » Jun 23, 2017 7:16 am

yeah I have gone through some of this, very difficult. It is weird for me after menopause as the hormones are not as intense and I just don't seek it out as much now. But I know how painful it all can be. I wish you relief and healing.
Forever is composed of nows. ~Emily Dickinson
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Re: Any mad SLAAs?

Postby Spinygrrl » Aug 02, 2017 5:30 pm

Withdrawals again. They physically fucking hurt.
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