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Non-binary victories thread

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Non-binary victories thread

Postby Spinygrrl » Feb 01, 2017 4:03 pm

Shit in the world is depressing the hell out of me right now.

In an effort to stay alive, I hereby start a thread on Good Shit That Happened To Us As Non-binary People in recent times.

I will start:

Today, after therapy, I dissociated and came to buying clothes in the local thrift store (too, too many clothes). I found my self asking the clerk about exercise wear, and they said, "men's section or women's?" without batting an eye. I wasn't working too hard to be gender non-conforming today, just generally being poor and wearing what I could to stay warm, and I didn't think I clocked as particularly "non-binary" in other people's view, so that was really, really nice.

When I thanked them, they just said, "Yeah no problem" like it weren't nothing.

Also no one bothered me in the store when I had to sit down and do EFT tapping. I just got to do it. So that was great.

Also ALSO I made a final decision with my therapist that I'm not going to non-queer AA meetings anymore unless I'm having an emergency and there's only het/cis AA available. I feel really good about that.
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby Nighteyes » Feb 02, 2017 7:06 am

Thank you for starting this thread Spinygrrl!

Yay for all the good stuff. Congrats on the AA-decision and new clothes, by the way. I hope they'll all serve you well.

I had my legal name changed just before the Desember holidays. Formal thingys are still getting updated, it takes time. But the thing is, my boss was like the coolest person ever about it. They don't know I am nonbinary (coming out is continuous hard work and I am not there yet with everybody in my life), but they were really nice and supportive still.

The little, everyday things are so important. In my view at least. So, this thread is the best idea since like forever.

Again, thanks!
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby FLAMING ATTACK B0T » Feb 02, 2017 7:25 am

Spinygrrl wrote: I found my self asking the clerk about exercise wear, and they said, "men's section or women's?" without batting an eye. I wasn't working too hard to be gender non-conforming today, just generally being poor and wearing what I could to stay warm, and I didn't think I clocked as particularly "non-binary" in other people's view, so that was really, really nice.

When I thanked them, they just said, "Yeah no problem" like it weren't nothing.


When I feel like buying something femme there's usually a goth looking cashier at Value Village so I go through that aisle. No questions or awkward looks.
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby Spinygrrl » Feb 03, 2017 1:27 pm

Hey Nighteyes, congrats on the name change. I hope all docs get switched smoothly and soon!

FAB yeah I feel like there's some space in goth culture for this... I dunno. Im glad there's that clerk for you tho.

I had a god awful time at partial, mostly, BUT all the clients respected my pronouns and the staff at least respected my name.
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby Spinygrrl » Feb 11, 2017 12:46 am

My AA sponsor finally tried to acknowledge that I'm not only a woman today.

FINALLY.
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby Spinygrrl » Feb 21, 2017 1:11 pm

K this one's kinda big:

Yesterday I had a slip and answered the phone when my ex called. And went to see him.

But in the midst of that, I said the words: "I've done a lot of thinking since you left... and the pronouns really are 'they/them'. They really are."

And he said "alright".

:)
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby Nighteyes » Mar 10, 2017 6:17 am

Wooot! - I know it's not what the cool kids on the internet say any anymore, but I still like the word.

Flaming Attack Bot, I've too found that goth spaces often (or sometimes, maybe I've just been lucky - who knows?) are more open. Glad you've found your aisle, so to speak.

Spinygirrl, congrats on all the victories! :D :D :D

Being recognized is so important it's kind of embarrassing sometimes. At least in my experience. The reason I've not posted here in a while was because I wanted to bring some good news to the table:

The other day I was talking to this MA student about data sets and stuff and they went on and on about all the aspects of human behavior and so-called background variables there are closte to no data on yet. Includiing people who don't fit neatly into the gender binary one way or the other. They particularly mentioned nonbinary people! Yes!
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby in.exile » May 24, 2017 9:56 pm

2 instances in the past 2 days of folks not automatically assuming my gender is female. yesterday out to eat w/ a male identifying person, and a waitstaff person comes up "how are we doing, gentlemen? can i get you anything else?" and then got this look of "uh-oh did i pick the wrong gender?" and i smiled a big smile and said "we're great, thanks!"

today, at a customer service desk, giving my full first and last name (which is almost always assumed to be female), the clerk says, "ok mr ______..." and then stops and says "oh wait, sorry, is it "ms"? and i was able to say that either mr or ms works for me.
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby Spinygrrl » May 26, 2017 12:24 pm

Hey Nighteyes and in.exile, those are awesome victories. Thanks for sharing them. Life is pretty dark for me right now, and I need to hear that good things are happening to non-binary people somewhere. It helps. :)
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby Spinygrrl » Jun 21, 2017 4:13 pm

I need some joy, so here goes:

Was dressed pretty femme today. More and more am identifying as "bi" or "multi" gender, and getting comfortable with that. Was pretty masc/muscle as usual at the gym, then changed into the femme outfit to leave. Ran into a trainer who is my friend, and who has given me a lot of (asked for) pointers in the past. He said, "watsup dude?" like it was nothing, didn't hit on me, didn't treat me any different, and told me my lifting form looked righteous and correct.

:D :D :D
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby Spinygrrl » Jul 29, 2017 3:52 pm

This is more of a non-binary "whoa, breathe deep"...

Just went on my website for work, and posted "interested in genderqueer and non-binary themes." This may not seem like much, but this is a modeling (and, really, advertising for other services) website where only the "standard" 2 gender sex options are available, and where people regularly post themes like photos of ladies in red-white-and-blue bikinis with taglines that say things like " 'Merica, home of the free". I'm not expecting to get any accolades for this, or increase the size of my wallet. But maybe I will feel more true to my self and be able to be more fully who I am, and, who knows, maybe some photographer is dying to shoot a gender weirdo and pay them, somewhere near where I live.

Soon I'm going to change names on there, and put all the stuff from the past in a folder marked "her."

Feels scary but good. For years I had to do all my work posing as a cis girl, in order to feel like I could get paid at all. Glad and grateful to be able to be moving away from that.
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby in.exile » Jul 30, 2017 12:59 pm

^^ this makes me happy to read.

my small victory for the weekend: i used to shave my legs when i would go to summer family gatherings b/c it was easier to try to blend in/fade to the background and not deal with the raised eyebrows and weird glances. this weekend i didn't shave.
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby in.exile » Aug 26, 2017 2:31 pm

i was recently at a gathering where i met some other QT psych survivors and mad folk. one person in particular shared that their personal pronouns were he/she/they, and i felt so happy to know i wasn't alone in that fluidity of not having a single set pronoun.
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby IntellectualCat » Aug 27, 2017 3:30 pm

I recently came out as genderfluid to my sister and she gave me tips on how to pass as male on male days and has helped me shop for clothes that would help me pass. She also listened to me when I explained how I experience my gender.
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby Spinygrrl » Aug 27, 2017 7:08 pm

These three last posts make me so happy to hear!

I went to a much more genderqueer / genderfluid friendly place than where I live, for like 2 weeks. It felt so much safer than at home. I was safe enough to realize, while there, that I am a genderqueer and gender-fluid mostly-androsexual, and that that is totally legit, even tho binarists in the trans community near where I live by and large don't think so, and most mono-sexuals treat me like shit. It's them, not me! How great and liberating to know! There are other places where my genders get read correctly, and where people like me as I am! I don't think a lot of people here in local queer community will accept me, but that is more ok, because at least (hopefully) they won't be able to gaslight me about whether I actually belong in LGBTQQIPA+ spaces or not, because I know that there are other places where that community thinks I am just fucking fine, thank you very much. Plus, I now know that me and monosexual partners are not likely to work out, unless they, too, gendershift in some way where somehow it does. And that is useful information.

Yeah I'm gonna buy a genderqueer/genderfluid flag for cheap and fly it high, and see who comes around. Everyone who hates can screw off! Yippee!
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby FLAMING ATTACK B0T » Sep 12, 2017 4:26 pm

Image
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Re: Non-binary victories thread

Postby Spinygrrl » Sep 14, 2017 10:20 am

I really love that picture.
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