i hate myself and i want to die i hate myself and i want to die i hate myself and i want to die

my last fuck up with formal education... trying to reach out to a porfessor and make her realize that she made a mistake....

BUT! of course getting fucked in the process. anyway, it's my fault fro expecting her to see that she made a mistake. she could have given me an I, Y, X, or W. BUT instead used her power and personal bitterness against me. to taint my already terrible transcript (littered with Ws), she pulled my GPA down to below a 3.0 out of spite. Anyway, i wrote her a little letter....

Am I wrong for thinking that her letter back to me was oddly rude and over-reactive???

bleck, how do i write this stuff down, when it just keeps swirling in and out of my head? i can't catch it... what do i do? write it down while i can... i think, sometimes i think writing things down makes it worse.

brazilian girls at club soda montreal, made me think of terrible things... what a bummer

made it through the week without freaking, i think.

friendfromafarawayland

recount

welllps. it's monday. haven't been outside yet. forcing depressing back onto myself.... like i'm afraid to be undepressed. like i don't even know who that is anymore.... it's been six months now of unstability, crippling suicidality, laziness, agitation, anger, elation.

cycling

shades of grey lightening

waking up to muffled sounds and muted sunlight

guess i'm on a bender

when you're all alone and lonely