Half a year ago after being comitted for the third time, I got on lithium. Now I'm deeply depressed, but stable. Stable enough to finally get my systems set up and share my thoughts and artwork and things...

Life now is bad but on the brink of getting better. I think. I think later on in life I will refer to these years as the big depression. When I entered therapy the fall of in 200?, I just knew it wasn't going to be a two-week-course. Knowing that, I had to come up with, or rather stick with, a way of coping with my life crumbling down. Smoking hash, hiding on the web, coding, experimenting with design and artwork... only to strand empty handed. I remember unconsciously agreeing on staying in, getting high, leaving the apartment only when I really needed to. Locked up inside with just my thoughts: loneliness, design, dope, death and denial.

Half a year into therapy or so, I ordered my trusty apple notebook, growing tired of heaps of wire and hardware being the environment I spend most my days. I grew scared of my guitars, scared of my artwork, and I needed toy. I just knew that all I was about to for a unknown amount of time, was attend therapy did was endlessly reinstall my notebook.

Right now I am so astray. Sleeping only a maximum of three hours a day, constantly online, eating almost nothing, I can no longer take it. So in a final attempt to get some comfort or company out of this screen, I decided on at least quitting non-stop design extravanganza's and focus on Icarus.

Because I just know there are people in here who who what it's like to be locked up inside manic projects...

(to be continued)